Finding and developing adult friendships requires some level of vulnerability. Many people find it difficult to overcome fears, self-doubts, and anxieties that interfere with building satisfying relationships. For example, it is important to realize that you must initiate and actively seek out friendships rather than waiting for them to happen organically. Here are a few …
The Power of Vulnerability in Building Adult Friendships
Finding and developing adult friendships requires some level of vulnerability. Many people find it difficult to overcome fears, self-doubts, and anxieties that interfere with building satisfying relationships.
For example, it is important to realize that you must initiate and actively seek out friendships rather than waiting for them to happen organically. Here are a few ways to do that:
1. Embrace Your Vulnerability
Embracing vulnerability is scary, but it can help you build stronger relationships, which require time, effort, and emotional investment. Vulnerability allows you to be your true self, and shows that you care about your friends. It also encourages your friends to be vulnerable as well, making your friendships more authentic.
When you open yourself up to others, it’s important to be careful with who you share your most personal emotions and experiences with. You want to choose people who you trust and know will treat you with respect. It’s often a good idea to start small with your disclosures and work your way up to sharing more intimate information over time.
One of the biggest reasons that people are hesitant to be vulnerable is because they fear being judged or misunderstood. They may also worry about feeling a “vulnerability hangover” after sharing something emotional, which can be a normal part of the process. However, if you’re feeling anxious or uncomfortable after sharing your vulnerability, it’s likely that you need to talk about your feelings with a professional.
Vulnerability is a powerful tool that can strengthen your relationship with your friends and also help you to heal from past experiences. If you’re feeling hesitant to be vulnerable with your friends, it’s a good idea to practice in safer spaces first. Some good places to do this include therapy or counseling, where you can express your emotions with a therapist who will guide you through the experience.
It’s also a good idea to remember that when you feel vulnerable, it doesn’t mean you are weak or needy. Rather, it’s a sign that you care about your friends and that you trust them enough to share the most personal parts of your life with them.
Lastly, it’s important to remember that vulnerability isn’t just about speaking about your emotions, but also showing them through your body language and demeanor. It’s important to be mindful of the signals you send to your friends when you’re interacting with them, as this can affect how they respond to you in the future. You can learn more about the power of vulnerability in building adult friendships by listening to this week’s Mindful Friendships session of the Daily Jay.
2. Be Honest and Open
Being honest and open is one of the most important parts of building a strong adult friendship. However, sometimes it can be difficult to know how much to share and what is the best way to express yourself. The key is to remember that you don’t have to put everything out there all at once. Instead, try to gradually increase the level of vulnerability in your relationships as you get to know them better.
Sharing your emotions and experiences can help build a deeper connection with others and create more intimate friendships. This type of emotional intimacy can also provide support during difficult times. For example, if you’re going through a hard time at work or home, talking about it with friends can help relieve stress and feel less alone in the situation.
It’s important to be aware of some common barriers to vulnerability, such as fears about coming off weak or needy. However, it’s important to realize that being vulnerable is a natural part of human emotion and that it can actually make you stronger. For example, if you’re feeling angry or scared, it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings and take the time to process them.
Another challenge can be fear of being judged by others. However, being honest and open can help you build strong adult friendships because it shows that you trust your friends and value their opinions. In turn, your friends will be more likely to trust and open up to you as well.
A final challenge can be the fear of being overwhelmed by painful emotions. While it’s important to acknowledge painful emotions, you also want to avoid rumination, which can be emotionally exhausting and harmful to your health. So, be sure to balance your vulnerability with positive self-care and activities like meditation, exercise, or journaling.
Ultimately, being vulnerable can help you build strong adult friendships by increasing your sense of trust and closeness with others. While it may be uncomfortable at first, over time, you’ll find that it helps to feel closer and more connected with those around you.
3. Embrace Your Uniqueness
Vulnerability is the key to building adult friendships that are authentic and satisfying. However, if you are not used to sharing your thoughts and emotions with others, the process may feel difficult and overwhelming. If you struggle with anxiety, allowing yourself to be vulnerable can feel particularly challenging. In these situations, it can be helpful to work with a therapist who can help you identify the roots of your anxiety and learn healthier ways to cope with it.
One of the best ways to practice vulnerability is by opening up about the things that matter most to you. This could mean discussing a recent experience that challenged you (maybe a run-in with a stranger or a new project at work) or sharing your goals for the future. By doing this, you can begin to build trust with the people in your life and gain a better understanding of their motivations.
It is important to remember that when you share your vulnerabilities with other people, they will react differently. If you are overly revealing at the beginning stages of a friendship, it can give off the impression that you are willing to share anything with anyone and will quickly lose its authenticity.
Similarly, if you are only willing to discuss the positive aspects of your life and avoid talking about the tough stuff, it can signal that you are not open to being vulnerable with others or that you do not consider those close to you trustworthy enough to share your more intimate feelings. This will also make it more difficult to build a friendship with someone who cannot handle your honesty.
It is important to take the time to build vulnerability slowly and only reveal what feels comfortable for you. It is also helpful to establish boundaries in the early days of a friendship, for example, not discussing sensitive issues like exes, children, or jobs until you have developed a stronger bond. This way, you can learn if the person you are spending time with is someone who can handle your vulnerability and will be there for you in the long-term.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries
When you open up about your vulnerabilities to others, it’s important that your friends treat these moments with compassion and respect. When they don’t, you may need to consider whether your friendship is healthy for you.
Some people don’t share vulnerable parts of themselves because they fear being seen as weak or needy. But the truth is, vulnerability can actually strengthen your relationships by allowing you to build trust and develop intimacy with other people. In addition, studies show that being vulnerable can make you feel more connected and supported by others, which can lead to increased happiness in your life.
However, it’s crucial to understand that being vulnerable is not the same as being vulnerable with everyone you meet. For instance, if you open up about your struggles with someone who has experienced the same things in their own life, they’ll likely be understanding and supportive. But if you’re struggling with a mental health issue, it may be inappropriate to share your struggles with someone who hasn’t gone through the same thing.
In addition, you should also avoid being vulnerable with anyone who treats you poorly when you open up to them. These individuals may not have your best interests at heart and could use your vulnerability against you. Moreover, if you’re vulnerable with someone and they hurt you, it may be best to cut off communication until you can feel safe again.
While setting boundaries can be challenging, it can help you become a more resilient person. It can also give you the confidence and self-esteem you need to develop healthier relationships in the future. You’ll learn how to communicate clearly and firmly about what you need from others. This can be a valuable skill in many aspects of your life, including work, school, and other social situations.
Practicing healthy boundaries in your friendships can be as simple as taking a step back from an overly-demanding relationship or setting a physical boundary. For example, if you’re friends with someone who tends to ask too much of you, try setting material boundaries around personal possessions like clothing or money. This can be a great way to manage expectations and avoid frustration and resentment.
